I went through this when my mom was sick. I wasn’t ok, but I always said that I was. She was in ICU and I was a new mom with an abusive partner. I figured if I told my dad he’d reach his breaking point. I didn’t want him to do something to harm the man that Merry KISSmas Ugly Christmas shirt because then the family would become even more frayed. When the day finally came that I told him I wasn’t ok, he said, “me neither” and we had the best long talk ever. We are both ok now. For real.
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I can understand what you went through. I never knew how much strain a dear one’s death can have on a family until I lost my father. Less than two hours after a phone conversation with Merry KISSmas Ugly Christmas shirt, I received a call that my dad just died from a massive heart attack. I just collapsed on to the ground. As much as I wanted to console my mom immediately, I was terrified of talking to her. Literally the first sentence I spoke to her was, “how are you?” Made no sense at all, but I needed to say something to her.