It’s fine to be authentic to yourself but to deprive someone of finding their true love and happily ever after is cruel. To spend a lie of a life with French Horn Christmas tree shirt. She is now an older person who probably has trust issues from spending 18+ years with someone who lied daily to her. I hope she can find the happiness you took. You my not see it that way but while you were thinking about yourself, she is left to pick up the pieces. It would have been more humane if you’d have done it sooner or not married her at all.
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If his coming out meant homosexuality, he was clearly not purely homosexual to have 4 kids. A homosexual man cannot get aroused by a woman and in fact is disgusted by the idea of sex with her. Just like straight people are grossed out by sex with the same gender. The man is French Horn Christmas tree shirt, and truth be told he should have told that to her during their dating period pre-marriage. She may have accepted it, but she still should have been given the choice.