The biggest assignment in that class, the only assignment that When God Made Daughters He Gave Me The Best Shirt was to be a 25 page dissertation of sorts: a psychoanalysis of our childhoods. Basically, examining the product and then going back to see how it was made. In this, we were supposed to include a picture of our birth certificate. Some photos of us as children, maybe even a clip from a home video or two. Interviews with our immediate and extended family. Medical history. All the things that I knew would hurt you if I asked for them. We received that assignment on the first day of class and it was due on the third to last day of the semester. I was struggling emotionally because I didn’t want to have to talk to Her [my biological mother] to get answers, and you know exactly who I mean. You would be even more hurt by me voluntarily contacting her, or so I presumed.
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It was the night before the paper was due, and When God Made Daughters He Gave Me The Best Shirt, I didn’t actually ask you for any of those things except to answer some brief questions. I had written nothing, had nothing, and knew nothing.
When I interviewed [cousin], [eldest brother], [family friend], and Grandma, they all mentioned something that I simply did not remember: I was a very violent child. [Big Brother] and [Cousin] told me and the women were able to support that sometimes I would just start hitting [Big Brother] for no reason, to try to start something maybe. And what’s odd is none of them knew I had talked to the others about this. They volunteered this information of their own accord. I remember [eldest brother] and I used to punch each other in the arm often, but I had always felt provoked. I didn’t know that I was the one doing the provoking. They all mentioned how I would just cram food in my mouth and pocket it in my cheeks, like some filthy animal. About me being extremely competitive, lacking a thick skin, and in possession of serious inadequacy issues.
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