What were you doing your freshman year? Joining marching band? Trying out for sports? Applying for your first job? I was heading into the woods with my dad with a shotgun under one arm and an axe on my belt to kill something that Sorry I Can’t I Have Plants TShirts. It’s little wonder I turned out as ruthless as I sometimes am. I’d picked the axe. Dad liked to carry a baseball bat. Granted, it was custom made out of some kind of wood with special significance and had symbols and glyphs carved all over it, but it was still essentially a baseball bat. He’d played baseball as a kid and that just felt natural to him as a weapon.
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But the evening I went out with my dad I wasn’t angry. I was anxious. Perhaps a little excited. This was a sign that I was becoming an adult, after all, and that I was being entrusted with the grown-up responsibilities of the Sorry I Can’t I Have Plants TShirts. It was near the end of the camping season, so we left late at night when most of the campers were hopefully asleep. I rode on the back of the four-wheeler, just behind dad. When my brother was a freshman, our mom took him for his first kill. He’s never talked about it. But I remember hearing our parents talking a few days later in hushed voices, when they thought no one was eavesdropping.