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Bloody awful is the obvious answer. There is a despairing sense of Some People Want A Big House Fast Car And Lots Of Money Shirt, as if it is a bad dream you might wake from. You question the things you’ve always taken for granted. You wonder for the first time at your purpose in life. You wonder how you could have got things so wrong, wonder if you have been deluding yourself all this time. Finally you wonder how you’re going to get by. For me it was a perfect storm of events combining over the period of a few months. I got ripped off of all my savings by a shonky investment adviser who disappeared into the ether (though I still have a contract on his life, or at least his kneecaps). While I watched another 100K odd disappeared in the stock market. These were major blows, but I could survive them thanks to a business going great guns. But then that went bad. One day we were negotiating a new contract with our major client, the next day they pulled the pin altogether because of losses they made, and we were out the door. In the middle of all this my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer.
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I had no money in the bank, no money coming in, debts mounting up. There’s a Some People Want A Big House Fast Car And Lots Of Money Shirt of vertigo at first, which becomes despair, then a sense of utter futility. No matter what I did nothing changed, the situation continued to decline. What I had I sold. The assets, my home and remaining investments of a lifetime were put on the market, and often sold at a loss – just to live. I started to laugh about it. When my creditors came calling I wished them good luck. It gets so bad that it seems almost ridiculously irrelevant. Still, there are days when you wonder how it ever came to this. At the very worst my dog was eating better than I was. Then the day came I couldn’t afford dog food and he ate left over breakfast cereal while I ate lentils. I barely had a roof over my head. Each day was a battle. Each day challenged my sense of self, my personal dignity and pride. I found it hard to admit to anyone the state I was in. I had always been so proud and independent. I had always been ‘can’do’ – and now I couldn’t. Gradually I learned to open up, and to ask for help. Any support was appreciated, but what I needed most – money – was the hardest thing to ask for. It was a tough road. Perhaps I needed some of that to be a better person. Some people helped, others wouldn’t. I understood, but I can’t forget those who wouldn’t take me seriously.
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Today I am on the way back, as I always thought I would be – I survived knowing that theSome People Want A Big House Fast Car And Lots Of Money Shirt. I’m a long way behind where I was before, but I’ve re-engineered and got the old business going again, and started another completely different. And I’m always on the look out for new opportunities. I am hungry and confident, but remain wary.
What have I learned? That anything can happen anytime, anywhere. Playing safe won’t help you if the Gods decree otherwise. If that’s the case then the answer – for me anyway – is to follow my desires. I go for it now, and do the things others might be hesitant to try. Losing everything gives you a new mindset because you’ve touched bottom and survived; and because when you have nothing you have nothing to lose.