That’s what I’m talking about right here! Don’t even know a word like Owl I Was Born With A Reading List I Will Never Finish Tee Shirts! Shit. Lucky any of you can scratch out your Goddamn name!” I knew for a fact that Huertas would read the dictionary just to look for new words to confuse his recruits. I’m not sure he ever passed his English classes in high school with more than a C. But he was a good sergeant. “Anyway, you get this stupid kid into deep debt and he’s all like oh shit, I’m fuckin broke. But I wanna keep buyin stupid shit! And then he’s like. Oh right I can just marry some fat ugly skank and get more money from the army. It’s fuckin brilliant.
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“Yeah, that’s why I’m speaking with Owl I Was Born With A Reading List I Will Never Finish Tee Shirts! I was a dumb fucking kid with terrible decision making skills! I was up to my damn eyeballs in debt! So what did I do? I married the most vile, ugly, fat, hippo you’d ever fuckin seen. And she proceeded to suck the life outta me through my wallet! It was twice as bad as it was before and yet I was makin more money! Recruits I speak with the full authority of a dumb fuck who’d made this mistake. Shit the invasion was maybe the best thing to ever happen to me.” The sergeant shrugged as Alvarez snorted.