Course, when I ended up enlisting it was all sorts of conflicted statements coming from the Official Camping Not All Who Wander Are Lost I’m Hiding From Stupid People T-shirt . Some patting me on the back, calling me a patriot before I ever even went off to bootcamp, telling me exactly what I needed to do to survive over there against the arabs – they’re words mind you. Honestly, I didn’t even entirely know who I was supposed to be fighting. Fact was that I had one too many brushes with the law and my options weren’t looking all that great. That pregnancy scare with Mary Beth and the proclamations I made to the Lord Above should he spare me of the burden of fatherhood at such a ripe and tender young age probably didn’t help much. No, I didn’t tell him I was going to join the Army, but I figured four years with Uncle Sam just about equaled joining the seminary and I didn’t much like the idea of actually taking a vow of celibacy. Anyway, sorry, sometimes I ramble a bit when I start thinking about life back then. Ever notice how when you start thinking about times like that, or hanging out with people back then, you completely revert into that person you think you were, or maybe the person you think they expect?
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So I went to boot. Turns out all those times out in Official Camping Not All Who Wander Are Lost I’m Hiding From Stupid People T-shirt , exercising what Uncle Ray called not only our constitutional right, but our duty as both men and providers, did me good on the firing range. Course, I never had to shoot my supper in boot, but it got me thinking that maybe I could do more with that. It also turns out that when you’re the sorta kid that talks real slow and has a particular sorta suntan just about year round and have different names for stuff that other people think is hilarious, more often than not, you also seem to have skill sets they don’t teach to city kids. Land navigation, basic survival skills, and marksmanship might as well have been tattooed on my brain at birth. Did me well in scout sniper school too. I never killed a man, if that’s what you’re wondering. Don’t worry about it, most people ask. I figure just about anyone who carries a gun for their job is going to get asked at some point. You add in that mystical title of sniper and you’re bound to get asked just about every day.
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