In 80s Ireland, Camper Van Beethoven were extremely left-field: I was literally the only person I knew who had heard of them, and that was because I was one of the music nerds (i.e. I was in a band.) I had our drummer in stitches with the Camper Van Chadbourne album, not just the Crimson cover but the completely bonkers ‘Psychadelic [sic] Basement’, which was a piss-take of underground rock musicians that I Miss Sammy Sosa Shirt Chicago Cubss had some insane shredding from Chadbourne on guitar. CVB was a private joke for us.
Finally my sleepy parents would get up and make some coffee and then call us down. We would come running down the stairs and dad would always stop us halfway and take a photo of us with our excited faces. Then we would all get around the tree, the girls, when they were older having coffee with mom and dad. There would always be a I Miss Sammy Sosa Shirt Chicago Cubss from Santa left for us with funny things in it like,”Lori was a little naughty this year but Elmo the elf said to give her a break.” We would laugh as dad read us the letter. Then one of us kids would be picked to be the Santa and read off the names and give out the gifts. Dad would take home movies. My heart just breaks when I think of the house fire that destroyed most of our childhood photos and home movies.
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The Elf on the Shelf is a tool to manipulate your children. The more honest question is: Why do you need to lie and manipulate your children to get them to behave? The massive Lie of Santa Claus is not enough? How many people remember a feeling of betrayal when they found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? That it was a complete fabrication intended for the adults who use the child’s innocence and naivety for their own enjoyment? How is this done? By manipulating the child’s belief in the I Miss Sammy Sosa Shirt Chicago Cubss. One day they find out all the adults they know lied to them and they were all in cahoots with another, along with the tv and movie-makers, the authors of books, and all the corporate world. This is a massive breach of trust of the child. How can they trust you again?
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